10 Things We Wish Sex Education Had Covered

By Emily Magnus

I recently had a lunch with friends, and as twenty somethings we were all reflecting on sex education we wish we had received during our teens. This gave me the idea to put together a list that could be used to help debunk some myths, answer some awkward questions and open the floor to some sex tips!

1. Not every penis is 9” long

Yes, some of them are. But the UK average penis size is around 5” erect. In our experience, a lot of teenage men boasted about having very large penises, something that we found quite odd, as most women don’t like the idea of something that large going somewhere that seems so little! However, depending on your own physiology, your comfort level for penis length and girth can vary greatly. Chances are you will not have a problem, but lubricants and plenty of foreplay can help when faced with something unexpected.

2. A tampon cannot go anywhere other than your vagina

A lot of girls worry about losing their tampon, and fear it being lost in the womb or cervix. The cervix is too small to let a tampon go through it, and therefore, the tampon cannot enter your womb. If you cannot locate the tampon easily using the string, make sure to wash your hands, and then squat or raise a leg to make your vagina accessible, you can then have a good feel around for the tampon. If located, ease the tampon out and make sure that it is intact. If the tampon is not intact, or you cannot find it, cell the doctor – don’t worry, you wont be the first person to do this! Tampon remnants or a lost tampon can cause toxic shock syndrome, so it is best to be sure before deciding that all is well.

3. Most women do not orgasm on every sexual encounter

Unlike our male counterparts, only around 30% of females frequently orgasm through penetrative sex. We all had a good laugh about how our sexual habits and expectations had changed over the last 10 years, and quietening down was certainly one of them. Some people including females have been conditioned by pornography to believe that women scream and moan at the drop of a hat, and that sex is not complete without an orgasm. However, this is not the case and most women will enjoy an intimate experience regardless. Of course, there are other ways we can reach an orgasm, such as oral sex.

4. You can have sex on your period

It’s very much a personal choice, but there is nothing wrong with having sex on your period, if you’re both okay with it. This is probably more approachable with a long term partner though. You still need to use protection when having sex on your period, as you may ovulate early on during your cycle.

5. Everyone has their sexual quirks – they’re all (mostly) normal

This was a conversation that really had us laughing and disagreeing. One friend has a thing for feet, including licking them, but this made another friend physically gag. Some like being tied up, eaten off of, being dressed up, being undressed and others prefer things a little more vanilla. It’s okay to talk about these experiences; if you are curious and have a partner that is also interested, then it is okay to explore different things. If you are particularly interested in bondage, always make sure you trust your partner to not take advantage of the situation, and you have an agreed safe word, or signal to stop the experience. But a lot of people have a ‘try everything once’ attitude to see whether it is something that interests them.

6. A lot of “extra” stuff happens during sex

A little known fact, but studies have shown that once aroused, men and women are less likely to be grossed out by their other half. Farting, queefing, squirting, slapping noises of various body parts all seem to be more acceptable during sex. We’re not saying to necessarily let it all out, but don’t be mortified if something like this does happen, chances are you’ll have a laugh about it afterwards. Also, just to confirm, the liquid ejaculated during squirting is not urine. It actually is thought to come from Skene’s glands, which is the female equivalent of a prostate.

7. There are a lot of conditions related to women’s health

Subfertility, thrush, cystitis, dyspareunia (pain during sex), and fibroids are all things that women may experience during her life, in addition to conditions such as polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), which is thought to be genetic. These things are definitely not talked about enough during sex education at schools. The importance of keeping your vagina healthy to prevent thrush and cystitis, and what to do if you think you might have PCOS are absent from the curriculum, but up to 75% of women will experience thrush in their lifetime and around 10-20% of women have PCOS. This is where Google can be your friend and your enemy, great for research, but if you are worried, always go and see a doctor for proper advice.

8. Physiology, gender and sex

Some women are born without vaginas. Some people are not interested in sex. These are statements that we wouldn’t have considered in our teenage years but the true reality is that sex isn’t everything. Vaginal atresia is the absence of a vagina and can be associated with some genetic disorders. There are many other genital defects that can occur and are mostly well documented and manageable either surgically or cosmetically. You most likely do have fully functional reproductive organs, but if you don’t, you’re certainly not alone in the world and should not be embarrassed. If you are ever unsure of your physiology, best to receive reassurance from a doctor.

People also choose to define themselves as asexual, stating a lack of interest in sex from any gender. Around 1% of the UK population identify as asexual, many of which are in happy relationships. Again, this is normal and people should not be mocked for not displaying a generic type of sexuality. As gender fluidity gains more prevalence in future generations, it is important to realise that interest, or lack of sexual interest are equally normal. If you want to enter a relationship with someone that is asexual, you should have a proper conversation about what their boundaries are etc.

9. It’s okay to say no, to anything

It’s tough, we know. But if you can take yourself out of the heat of the moment, and explain that you don’t want to have unprotected sex because of whatever reason, then men will generally understand. Reasons including being wary of sexual health status, not wanting to become pregnant or not feeling ready are all very valid. If he doesn’t understand, then perhaps you need to think about why this is. Many of us have experienced men retaliating trying to assure us that we won’t get pregnant, or say they know they aren’t carrying any sexually transmitted infections, but you should always consider your feelings. One friend admitted that she contracted chlamydia from a particularly persuasive man who assured her that they didn’t need to use a condom because she was on the pill and therefore, wouldn’t get pregnant. It only takes once!

Equally, it is okay to say no to perform oral sex or any other experience. A flavoured condom can be a good compromise to use in oral sex if you are unsure about the taste. To be honest, you can say no to any physical contact that you are uncomfortable with. I remember calling a friend to come and rescue me after I had gone to a house for ‘breakfast’, only to be ambushed by forceful, one sided cuddling!

10. Have fun!

We all remember a phrase for male empowerment during our time at school. “A key that can open any lock is a master key, but a lock that can be opened by many keys is a useless lock”. At this point in the conversation we all shared our number of partners, and some of us were less opened locks than others! But we felt it was important to stress that as long as you are having safe sex, and you like it, then you have no reason to stop. Enjoy yourself.

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